We are just under 2 weeks until my wife's due date and our son could arrive any day now.
Nursery built and stocked? Check.
Car seat installed in car? Check.
Go bags packed and driving directions made? Check.
Career set and financial stability in place to take care of myself, my wife, and my son?
Sooooo, about that...
Yeah, the one thing I feel completely unprepared for with my son on the way is what I'm going to do for a job. I've been doing survival work to get us through the transition, but that's been about a year now. I know I'm good at that job, and it pays okay, but I just don't feel like I show up for work. Part of me is absent, feeling like I'm wasting my time with that work. I have two degrees in college for a profession that I can't make a stable wage at doing and I can't get sneezed at to be considered for a job teaching it.
Yet, as stressful as the thought of having no career has been, knowing that little man is coming seems to have given me a sheen of optimism and courage. Just like we don't know what's going to happen until it does with him, I know that there's something good waiting for me.
The best advice I've been given about having a baby is a combination of these two sentences:
"You won't know until you get there that you're going to be okay."
and
"Everything is fine...until it isn't"
So, as counterintuitive as it may be, I'm trying not to stress everyday about being a 40 year old caterer. I'm going to be a 40 year old first time father. As long as I show up every day for my son and wife, everything else is secondary.
Some dreams change.
Some dreams stay the same.
Life evolves.
All we can do is show up and see what today brings.